Player Ratings Explained - MensTennisForums.com

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post #1 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 12:17 AM Thread Starter
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Player Ratings Explained

due to requests I am making a new thread for this. Some people may be confused with the USTA league ratings (1.0 to 7.0) so here is the official guide.



1.0 - You stink. Your grabbing the wrong end of the racquet and you
think the green fuzz on the ball has something to do with velcro.


1.5 - Your still stink, but you can tie your own tennis shoes and hit a
ball you have got in your hand towards one of the cardinal points
without hitting yourself in the leg.


2.0 - You have taken a few lessons, and the odour is fading. Your strokes
begin to look less like a grandmother waving a flyswatter at a moth
and more like you are actually trying to accomplish something.


2.5 - This is when you start going to the club round robins, and
discover that despite your previous misconceptions, you still stink.
You are doing alright if you are fed the ball, but everyone else is
really just being nice to you until they can win the point without
embarrasing you.


3.0 - Same as 2.5, but with more topspin.


3.5 - The light is dawning. Your feet begin to move more efficiently.
They do not remain glued to the baseline, but begin to move
around the court, even up to the net on those occasions that you
feel like walking back to the fence to pick up the ball that passed
you.


4.0 - Your discovery of how to hit a serve and overhead allows you
to be one of the people politely destroying 2.5 players on
round robin night.


4.5 - The ball goes where you will it to go, with authoritative pace
and spin. You are king. You are undefeated on Round Robin night,
and wish test your mettle with a greater challenge. You ask
to play a match with your club's top players and after getting
your ass whupped that, in fact, you stink. "But", the Div 1 team
says magnanimously, "You are getting better."


5.0 - Around now, pretty much everyone else at your club stinks.
League play is the only way to get a decent match, and you're
starting to think pretty well of yourself.


5.5 - You crush some 5.0 punk in a league match, and tell him
he stinks.


6.0 - Tennis scholarship. You go to Stanford, play for the university
team, and have some sixteen year old prodigy bagels you in
a practice set and tells you you stink.


6.5 - You are offered a berth in a local ATP qualifier, and lose out
in the pre-draw round robin stage. One of the people in the
audience played tennis with you back in round robin, and he
tells you that you looked pretty good out there, but your
backhand still stinks.


7.0 - The pro level. If you are Tim Henman, your forehand stinks worse than Donald Youngs. You got to this level by yelling at referees, match fixing or taking drugs.

You scream vamos after every point, you have an irritating grunt, put more spin on the ball then anyone else and play in a outfit that superman would be proud of.

Your #1 in the world, you cant seem to figure out why you beat everyone else so easily but you love watching yourself play. You can take weeks off yet come back and beat the opposition while being more concerned about your hairstyle, you have a girlfriend that seems to put on 30 pounds every tournament and you sure hope IMG will make tennis more exciting because at the moment even when you play badly the opponents hand you the match and your wondering if tennis is as fake as the WWE.

You are a Russian drama queen,undisciplined and aren't willing to work hard, at 25 you still cant seem to figure out drinking and partying wont help you win tennis matches. Your a organiser's nightmare as they are not quite sure whether they are paying the appearance fee to one of the best players in the world or someone who is a level below Oscar Hernandez. You go through coaches, like most people go through underwear,but at least you can have a shot of vodka before sleep every night.

Your playing with a gut and it would be great if you could just string together three weeks of consistent tennis. You are good at Davis Cup but thats where it ends. You are under constant pressure as you are the only Argentine not to be busted for drugs but you are being asked for pee samples 3 times a day as a result and maybe that is affecting your tennis.

You have been pro for so long that you as old as most of the current players parents. You have been bold,long haired and everything in between. You walk around the court like you dumped one in your pants and you think Federer is annoying as he just wont let you win one more slam.

You have sued the atp, you are travelling with a pregnant wife and are playing each week with the ultimate goal of "getting to federer". You are being criticised by the gays, the black-Americans, and every minority organisation inthe world. You are so focused on tennis you think the CMONS sound cool.

You get a little confused when your serve keeps being returned, and the pressure of being the next US big hope is getting to you. Your backhand sucks but is a stroke of beauty compared to your volley, not only do you lose matches but you also lost your mojo and you cant quite figure out why you got rid of Gilbert. You have also ruined a promising pie business.
You think Federer sucks but you will keep throwing the kitchen sink at him.

You serve out of a tree, dont do anything else, play 1029838485 tiebreaks a year and you're boring to watch. John McEnroe and Bud Collins are saying inane things about you on international television. And people on menstennisforums are still debating whether or not you stink.
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post #2 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 12:23 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

hitchhiker is back

I lack direction.

Chocking makes me sad.
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post #3 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 12:24 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

Beautiful.
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post #4 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 01:25 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

LOL! That's actually pretty damn acurate. You need more of these types of threads.
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post #5 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 03:06 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

hitch
post #6 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 03:11 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

Wow! I'm impressed at your ability to sneak Mirka into every post of yours!

17 (yes, yes, yes!) Slams! And counting....
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post #7 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 04:44 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

I shall not disclose what my ntrp is or however the acronym goes.

Do not accuse a man for no reason—
when he has done you no harm, Proverbs3:30"


So long Marat Safin, C'mon Lleyton Hewitt,Viel gluck Tommy Haas, Bring it on Marcos Baghdatis, Gut Spielen Nicolas Kiefer, Dale Fernando Gonzalez, Dale David Nalbandian, Davai Nikolay Davydenko and Allez Jo-Wilfried Tsonga

Roger continue marvelling us the tennis mortals

Roger Federer & Martina Hingis (TENNIS)
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post #8 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 04:50 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

Memo to adee_gee: This is how a real ''Saviour of MTF'' posts.

JOIN THE CHURCH OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER TODAY
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post #9 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 05:08 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

I want to be offended, but I can't. It's just too funny. (Except that bit about Mirka. She's looks fine, I don't know why everyone always picks on her weight.)

"We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection." ~ Abraham Lincoln
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post #10 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 05:12 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eclectic Goddess
(Except that bit about Mirka. She's looks fine, I don't know why everyone always picks on her weight.)
I don't get the crap about mirka either, but I'm willing to let it go in this post

In general, people pick on her weight because they are comparing her to models - which is very fucking sick, but I'll save that for another day.

I lack direction.

Chocking makes me sad.
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post #11 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 05:17 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

Quote:
Originally Posted by hitchhiker


5.0 - Around now, pretty much everyone else at your club stinks.
League play is the only way to get a decent match, and you're
starting to think pretty well of yourself.


5.5 - You crush some 5.0 punk in a league match, and tell him
he stinks.
haha there was few 5 today at my colleges Intermural Tennis Tourny, all acting like they are Federer, then they played me, and i did what 5.5 says Freshman and Soph year Missouri State Intermural Tennis Champion.

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post #12 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 05:32 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe le Bopper
hitchhiker is back
Your prophetic declaration of hitchhiker as The Sage has been confirmed. His presence has been summoned back, and this forum is all the better for it.

Andreev - Cilic - Dolgopolov - De Bakker - Djokovic - Gulbis - Haase - Hrbaty - J Johansson - Kucera - Kuznetsov - Russell - Simon - Sweeting - Thron

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post #13 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 06:39 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

lol

131 and proud
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post #14 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 07:32 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

hitchhiker you're in some good form
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post #15 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-27-2005, 07:33 AM
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Re: Player Ratings Explained

Quote:
Originally Posted by buddyholly
Memo to adee_gee: This is how a real ''Saviour of MTF'' posts.
Mate I'm beginning to get a bit concerned. Virtually every post you write is about me. Stay away from me, I'm not interested.
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