I didn't write this, but it is funny:
New ATP Rules as of March 21, 2005:
1) Federer has to play the qualifying rounds
2) All Federer opponents get a 2-0 lead in each set
3) Federer has to play with a wood racquet
4) Everyone but Federer is allowed to do steroids
5) Roger has to play blindfolded
If those rules don't work to stop the Federer Express by the Nasdaq, more stringent ATP rules WILL go in effect, including:
1) Federer will be FORCED to play left-handed and without shoes.
2) He will not be allowed to have strings in his wood racquet.
3) Mirka and all of Roger's family and friends will be tied to electric chairs on court and for every error he hits and game he loses, the voltage will go up slightly until every one of them dies or the match is over and they are saved, whichever comes first.
4) Federer will not be allowed to take planes to tournaments, especially the Grand Slams. He will have to swim or walk to get there. Once at the tournament, he will only be allowed bread and water., and will have to sleep on the street.
5) The "allowable court to hit into" for Federer will be 2 inches by 2 inches.