Re: Uncyclopedia: tennis players
Roger Federer's "style of play":
Roger Federer's game is based around his big forehand, which is one of the best shots in tennis. His game's pretty one-dimensional, really. Without the forehand, he'd be nothing. You could just hit to his right hand side and you'd win every point. I'd like to see him hit a backhand winner from there. So a forehandless Federer would be useless. Except for the serve, of course, that's really accurate and reliable. Without the forehand and the serve, what would you really have? A backhand and some volleys, that's what. His volleys are vastly overrated. They're not the best in the world. They're merely in the top ten, which makes them sort of okay.
So there you go. If Federer couldn't hit his forehand, his serve or any volleys, he'd be in a lot of trouble. As we all know, he has a decent backhand, but if you can somehow manage to consistently hit the ball deep and make it bounce up high to shoulder height, then he might not hit a winner every time. Then you've got him right where you want him.
Many of us might further wonder, in awe, really, why his fellow countrymen might want to put him on such a pedestal - up there with the angels, in fact - and declare him the Greatest of all time, when the boy has never managed to place a ball inside a doubles court with four players on the court in his life! Well, at least, this was not so until, in his old age - at the Chinese Beijing Olympics, where he is a little better known - he decided that singles was becoming too much hard work, and that is was time to retire to the more sedentary elements of the game. It seems his late entry into doubles contention has been due to the fact that he is mesmerized by having too many fans so close to him and, so we are told, too many moving objects on court fluster him. As he has been hailed for, and the success of his singles game seems to have been based in, his cool temperament, he has said, 'This will not do', and so the world has so far been marred by his perpetual absenteeism from the larger doubles arena. Perhaps it has been that his legs have wearied of all the extra running around the larger court! Perhaps it has been more a case of his being too shy to make friends (with his partner) once in the Gladitorial arena!
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Current sanyaku ranked players:
Yokozuna: Rafael Nadal (Dai-Y), Andy Murray, Novak Djokovic (Dai-Y), Roger Federer (Dai-Y)
Ozeki: Stan Wawrinka
Komusubi: Milos Raonic (ex-Sekiwake), Dominic Thiem, Kei Nishikori (ex-Sekiwake)
Active ex-sanyaku-ranked players
Ozeki: Berdych, Cilic, Del Potro, Ferrer. Sekiwake: Baghdatis, Haas, Gasquet, Tsonga. Komusubi: Dimitrov, Gulbis, Janowicz, Kyrgios, Melzer, Pouille, Robredo, Verdasco, Youzhny.