I've been eating a TON of spaghetti recently. I've gotten less concerned about what I eat recently. And with that, I've been really basically addicted to spaghetti and tonight I'm having lasagna. Of course, I only eat wheat noodles, of course, and low fat, low sodium tomato sauce. So my weight and appearance is still a focus, but you just can't pass up good food!
After going through this entire thread, this is a good thing. Your mentality and attitude toward food is really unhealthy - if you want to keep weight off and look good you can still eat waaaay more than you're currently eating.
Also, as someone else mentioned, the body needs fat to function. And if you want to look good, you need to include some fat, because people who are too skinny don't look good either.
Your earlier posts sound like a classic case of anorexia in the early stages - that disease centres around severely controlling food and calorie intake to the point that it becomes your whole identity, and you feel good/bad based on what you've eaten.
Your self-esteem shouldn't come from food/not eating, because there is so much more to you as a person than what you eat and how you look.
Out of curiosity - what are the other things that you care about? Family/friends, school/career, hobbies?
Some of your posts also sound as though you're suffering from some depression (feeling numb, etc.), which is something that I've had to deal with in the past. Not eating & sleeping enough definitely plays a role in that, and it might partly explain why you're fixated on your looks to the exclusion of everything else.
Anyway, that was a really long post, and it sounds as though you're already easing up with the food, so that's a really good sign. I wish you all the best.