The thing that I don't understand is that in this situation there is no third option, it's either separation or equal rights for all with forgetting the past. Why did Milosovic and his supporters tried to keep the union when they think they can't live with others.
You should read "Bridge on the Drina" and "Black Lamb and Grey Falcon." They will give you a proper perspective of the hatred that bubbles beneath the surface in that particular region, particularly Bosnia and Croatia.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Milosevic had a minimal influence in creating or propagating hatred. The hatred existed before and especially after WWII and could only be suppressed by force, a la Tito. When the rule of law broke down during wartime, people took "justice" into their own hands and started avenging grudges from WWII and even before.
The fault for all of this lies with the fact that Tito and his band of Croat-Slovene communists decided to fabricate history. They invented "Brotherhood and Unity," thinking that people would really buy into it. Those who aligned with the Nazis - primarily Croats, but also Muslims and Albanians - were never denazified, so they remained fixed in their former attitudes.